I have a confession. I weighed myself today, and I was shaken by the number on the scale.
I’m at my largest I’ve ever been, and to be honest, it hurts. I feel like I’ve been working SO hard to better myself, and I feel like I’ve failed, when I know in my right mind that I have been making strides.
I don’t want to be skinny. I don’t want to lose weight to feel better about myself. I just want to be at a weight that will keep this body of mine going as long as possible. For 10 plus years I smoked cigarettes, drank, and did drugs; and during that time I remained in the proper weight range for my height. But even after all of this mental work I’ve done, cut out all of my unhealthy behavior, I still sit at 270 pounds.
I feel like as a society we typically feel like failures, losers, or ashamed if we are overweight. I thought I’ve finally escaped that shame, but one bad day is drawing me back. I’m frightened that I’ll become diabetic, or put myself at risk for a heart attack.
I’m reminding myself that my weight is not who I am
Your weight is NOT who you are
Your fight, my fight has not been for nothing .
I’m the happiest with my body now than I’ve ever been, even when I was a size 4. I will rise above this number on the scale, and eat for health, not for weight loss.