Florian and I attended a marriage intensive seminar last week... ❤️ As man and wife, we want to learn as much as possible about communication and other tools so that we may share our lives and stories in a real and vulnerable way to promote healthy sexuality and relationships.
It was beautiful AND emotionally exhausting. We gained everything I can think of as a newlywed to set our marriage up well from the start.
Unexpectedly, the most significant thing that occurred was personal inner healing that I didn’t know I needed. And it was on a subject I hadn’t ever considered.
OFFENSE. Offense at the Church (as a whole), religion, leaders, other men and women... Offense colors our lenses so that we cannot see the truth—and it creates the same effect on our lives as shame. Thoughts creep in that tell us what another’s thoughts or intentions are, and very soon we’re believing a lie about ourselves, others and the circumstances we find ourselves in. Those lies can continue on for years!
Offense appeared in my life when I felt betrayed and misunderstood by leaders in my life. I can’t help but wonder how much further I would be if I hadn’t let offense control my actions. It was never conscious, but it was a reaction from pain. As much as I thought I had done everything I could to work through the pain from offense, it still managed my life.
In the marriage seminar, the “offense” button was pushed with three different people (none of whom were my husband) and situations within the same week! With the inner healing that occurred, offense was front and center, and thankfully undeniable so that I could see it and deal with it.
The seminar was so much more about being a whole and healthy person for the benefit of your spouse than it was about the concept of marriage. I dealt with my feelings about each situation, forgave the persons involved and myself, and then shared my experience with them. I had previously been so turned off by the same type of events that I simply avoided the situation (so as to avoid drama) and would just let it go. Using my voice to confront the issue in a kind and gracious way allowed me to feel powerful and no longer be bound by it.